“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

-Willie Nelson

Question for you guys.  Do you think you are inherently positive or negative?  In general do you tend to look at the good in all people and situations or lean more towards the negative.

If you’re unsure, take this into consideration: recently the Powerball jackpot rose to an astonishing 1.73 Billion dollars.  In addition to the 1st prize winner there was a 2 million dollar winner and a few million dollar recipients.  If you had won either the million dollar or two million dollar prize rather than the mack daddy, what would your initial response be?

Let’s be honest.  Any one of those prizes would change your life, but would you be gracious for the money you won or would you be bitter you hadn’t claimed that massive prize.

If I’m being honest, in answering that scenario, my gut response would be disappointment and frustration thatI didn’t win the billion dollars or I’d build up resentment towards the IRS for taking more than half of the winnings.

For most of my life, I thought I was generally a happy, positive dude but came to a realization yesterday while at work.  I am way more negative than I thought or want to be.

Looking back on various events in my life it seems I have always been waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When something good in life happens, I instinctively follow it up with either emotions of unworthiness or flat out expectation something negative to happen to balance out the energy.

For instance, recently I found out that I was going to be able to get time off work at Thanksgiving.  It will be the first time in more than a decade all of my family (my parents, three sisters and their families) will be together at the same time.  My parents are both in their 70’s and neither one of them are in great health, so who knows how many, if any, opportunities we’ll have like this.  Well, immediately after making all of the arrangements, my mind immediately went towards the emotional friction I have with my mom.  She’s always been a very judgemental person and loves to talk about others behind their backs.  Toss in the recent alcoholic relapse I had and it makes for a perfect cocktail of bitterness and resentment.  Then I start thinking that maybe I shouldn’t even go at all and save myself the hassle.

Crazy Right???

But I’m not alone.  So many guys lean towards a negative bias.

I’m currently in a transitional period in my career right now and as a means of getting by I took a job in a distribution center for a large retail store.  I’m not kidding when I say they could literally train a chimpanzee to do this job.  All I do is put labels on cases of product and throw them on to a conveyor belt for 8 hours a night.  It’s mindless work.  

Sidenote: I’m actually grateful to not have to think much at a job.  It’s a nice break from project managers and upper management steamrolling me for answers every time a situation arises.

But let me get back to the point I was making.  I was at work, doing my thing slinging boxes, when all of a sudden one of the boxes got caught on the plastic wrap used to keep everything packaged on the pallet and it

totally messed with my flow.

Without warning, I got overwhelmingly frustrated and outloud said, “Goddamnit, Mother Fucker” then ripped the package from the cellophane and threw it on the belt.

Whoa brother, calm it down there!  I took a step back and reflected on the irrational response and it got me to begin reflecting on thought and handled situations in the past.

Yep, most of it was enveloped by negative energy.

I know, kind of a deep thought for such mindless work.  But what are you gonna do?  I’ve got nothing to do but toss boxes, may as well do some self-improvement while I’m at it.

So, What’s the Deal with this Negative Energy?

Turns out, we’re actually hardwired to look for the negative in people and situations, thanks to a small almond shaped mass in the brain known as the amygdala.  This little piece of gray matter is responsible for emotional processing of outside stimuli and storing memories for faster processing of similar future situations.

Thankfully it developed; otherwise, we probably wouldn’t be here today.  It’s what gave our prehistoric ancestors the wherewithal to get the hell out of dodge when a T-Rex came charging through.  It also sparked the emotional response, fear, that propelled the vaccines for the recent global pandemic.

But because we have been programmed so hardcore, over millions of years of evolution, to be aware of the negative about two-thirds of all our thinking shifts that direction.  This is, of course, reinforced by media - especially the news - and by people around us.  It’s impossible to escape.

Short bursts of negativity are good for us.

1. Negative thinking keeps us on guard for potential danger.

Ever find yourself in a situation and you get that strange feeling that something isn’t right or your spidey senses kind of blow up for no reason only to discover later you narrowly escaped a predicament?  That’s your amygdala acting as an internal warning system.

I remember one time I was driving home from work and for some reason I had the sudden notion to switch lanes.  There was no logical reason for it.  I was cruising at a good pace and traffic was light, but I listened to that intuition and within a matter of seconds a dude in a bright red Camaro came flying past me at well over 100 miles an hour.  He then whipped over onto the shoulder and clipped the 18-wheeler that was in front of me.  The speed demon tailspun into the ditch.  Could have been me, only my SUV would not have stood up to the accident the way that semi did.

2. Negative thinking also has the potential to create positive change.

There have been countless demonstrations of this throughout history, one person or a small group perceive an injustice and act to change it.  The Revolutionary War, Abolition of Slavery, Civil & Equal Rights.  But it doesn’t have to result in an entire movement either.  I saw a video of this older dude getting mugged and him turning around and whooping the assailant’s ass.  I’m like Fuck Yeah!  But it can also help you create positive change within yourself.  A few years ago I would look in the mirror and all I saw was a fat tube of lard staring back at me.  The reflection stirred nothing but negative emotions and thinking, which drove me to make positive change in my eating habits as well as increasing my physical activity.  I’m proud to say I am now down more than 50 pounds and have been able to keep the weight off.

3. Negative thinking helps us from falling for someone’s BS.

Ever talk to someone and immediately your bullshit detector goes off?  Yep, there it is again.  Your amygdala warning you stay on your toes around that dude.  Working in a steel fab shop, I was surrounded by a bunch of bullshit talking guys.  Most of them were doing it for shits and grins and I mean that just fun, but there was a guy there for some reason I just didn’t trust.  He would boast about this 6-figure business he had on the side and all this ridiculousness.  Turns out he was more of a con artist than anything else.  He “hired” a young, naive co-worker to do some work for him that lasted two months or so and never paid the guy.  I tended to stay away from that bullshitter.

It’s when negative thinking begins to become prolonged or all consuming that it becomes a real problem - mentally and physically.  Such extensive thinking can lead to long-term psychological effects such as depression and anxiety, not to mention turn you into a bitter old man.  

When I was a child and I’d get angry or frustrated with my mom a scowl would consume my face.  She’d look at me and say, “Careful, your face may freeze like that.”

Now, that may have been far-fetched, but it can certainly change your energy.  I worked with a guy who was in his early 30’s and he was basically the equivalent of Clint Eastwood in Grand Torino.  He walked around in a constant state of agitation.  So much so no one ever wanted to say so much as good morning to the guy.  His energy was just so toxic all of the time.

If that weren’t enough there’s the physical effects that can cause permanent damage or even death if not treated.  Science has long determined that an oversensitive amygdala brought on by continuous negative thinking can lead to suicide, heart disease, stroke, sleeping disorders, weight-gain, alcoholism and a host of other illnesses.

And of course drawn-out negative thinking can have devastating effects on your money, relationships and spirituality as well.

So, basically everything is in jeopardy if you’re not able to pull yourself out of black hole of despair.

Can a Positive Attitude REALLY Improve Your Life?

Well, yeah dude.  And this isn’t some granola eating, herbal tea drinking rhetoric.  It’s science. But maybe we can thank that granola eating, herbal tea drinking rhetoric for the scientific research.

1. Positive thinking releases the neurotransmitters of dopamine and serotonin.

Hurray for happiness!  Ever be in a shitty mood and then you start thinking of a fond memory of an event or person and there is a complete shift in attitude?  I’ve found that when I get in a slump and just being really negative about life in general and the thought of my dog Luna pops into my head, I just can’t help but smile. 

There is a dramatic shift in both my mental and physical state.  There is just something about that little girl that warms my heart and brings a smile to my face.  It’s that positive thought that has released dopamine and serotonin to combat the stress hormone, cortisol.

2. Positive thinking can inspire you and keep you motivated.

Every once in a while I just don’t feel like going to the gym.  I’m tired.  I’m unmotivated.  Then I start watching a motivational video on YouTube and the next thing I know I’m crushing some bench presses.  Regardless of what your goals are, an “I can do it” attitude will give you the drive to keep pushing you forward towards success.  Last year I set the goal of saving enough money to travel to Peru.  Saving money can definitely be a daunting task, but every time an impulse buy would spring up on my news feed or at the checkout lane in the grocery store, I would simply imagine myself seeing Machu Picchu in person, which would make me happy and give me the motivation to turn down that unnecessary purchase.  Guess who spent 4 days and 3 nights following the ancient Incan path?  This guy!

3. Positive Thinking can improve your overall physical health.

Believe it or not, positive thinking has been proven to reduce a whole slew of physical problems from cardiovascular disease to cancer.  Get this - research from John Hopkins has shown that people with a positive outlook were 33% less likely to have a heart attack even though they had a family history of the event.  Crazy right!  But it makes sense.  One of the leading causes of heart disease is high-blood pressure and one of the leading causes of that is stress.  My grandma passed away from a heart attack.  One day she was fine, the next she was dead on the kitchen floor.  She didn’t drink much or smoke and wasn’t overweight, so I can’t help but wonder where her mindset was at.  I’m going to need to get some serious positive vibes going on and protect my heart.

Making the Shift to a More Positive Vibe.

If you’re in a rut then the last thing you want is for someone to tell you, “Oh, just think positive.”  When people tell me that shit, I have a mental image of me throat punching them.  Whoa, calm it down there brother.  It might actually be time to do a vibe check and pull yourself out of that funk.

1. Take a walk in Nature.

There is just something about getting out in nature that has a calming effect on me.  I especially love hiking along a river or a creek.  The sound of the flowing water combined with the freshness of the air and the colors of the trees just makes me feel connected.  And it’s no wonder.  Essentially, we are all made of the same particles.  It’s kind of like getting back to your roots… not sure if bad puns are a way of sparking positive thinking, but there you go.

2. Think of a Happy Memory.

We tend to dwell on the negative experiences in our lives, which only prolongs the feelings of stress, anxiety and depression.  Why would you want to live in that state?  I mentioned my dog, Luna.  She just gives me such great joy she’s worth mentioning again but other memories that do the trick are the various trips I’ve gone on and laying in bed with someone I cared for.  

3. Laugh.  Dance.  Sing.

No doubt you’ve heard laughter is the best medicine and nothing could be a quicker fix for shifting from the negative to the positive than a hearty belly laugh.  Might be time to hang out with the boys and have a good time.  If there’s not time in the immediate future for some good old-fashioned male bonding, fake it.  Funny thing is the mind can’t tell the difference between the real and the imaginary so even if you have to fake laughter for a bit, it still has the same effect.  I know it sounds ridiculous but I’ve tried it.  It feels strange and forced at first, which it is but eventually you’ll be laughing because you’re being so ridiculous.  Singing and dancing have similar effects.  There have been many times I’ll just burst out in song either a popular hit or some stupid song that I make up describing what I’m doing or what I’m thinking.  Other times I’ll burst into a little dance move.  I especially enjoy doing this at work.  It makes me look like an idiot but makes people laugh, which makes me feel better.

4. Meditate. 

Meditation has a profound effect on the mental and physical state.  It not only calms the mind and reduces stress but can be utilized to lift your spirits and drive you towards success.  Since I’ve started a meditative practice, I’ve noticed a significant difference in the way I progress throughout my days.  I’m calmer and when a situation arises that either causes me stress or sadness.

Many guys resist meditation, either claiming they don’t have the time or they see it as a practice done by women in yoga pants.  Truth is, you can literally meditate anywhere.  It doesn’t have to be in a Buddah style pose for hours on end.  I’ve meditated at my desk when a code red problem arises and while I’ve tossed boxes onto a conveyor belt.  It’s merely a few minutes to clear my mind, understand the objective or goal and rationally come to a decision or plan of action.  And believe me, you’re in good company.  The elite like Lebron James, Kendrick Lamar, Joe Rogan and Derek Jeter reportedly meditate on a daily basis.

We’re never going to be able to eliminate negative thinking, and there is definite benefit to that but,as a whole, us men rely too heavily on energy that brings us down and keeps us in that pitiful state.  When we are able to transition into a more positive existence, we invite in more peace, success and the ability to make better decisions.

Having been conditioned all your life and in essence since the beginning of existence to revert to the negative, changing that perspective will take time, dedication and commitment.  But the journey and the change it instills is worth it.

Joshua D. Abel

Men’s Empowerment Network