More people should learn to tell their dollars where to go instead of asking them where they went. 
~Roger Babson

It wasn’t too long ago when I was at my financial breaking point.  I was living in Atlanta working as a server at a chain steakhouse and couldn’t afford to keep up on the bills.

I had been evicted… twice, had two cars repoed and was taking the bus and the train to work.  What little money I had I pissed away on booze to numb the pain of what a loser I had become.

It got to the point where eventually I had to move in with my youngest sister just to get back up on my feet.  Talk about embarrassing.  Here I was, a highly-educated, relatively intelligent and a hard working guy mooching off his little sis.

The fact is I had always been bad with money.  No matter how much I earned, I was always struggling to catch up.  Bills were always knocking on my door.  Credit cards were piling up and then going into collections.  I would have to borrow money from friends and family to cover rent.  I would get so excited for my paycheck to hit my bank account only to be filled with dread the day after because it was all gone.

For decades, I was caught in a vicious cycle of getting paid, spending every dime I had plus some then hoping and praying my checking account didn’t go negative until I got paid again.

No doubt, if you’re reading this, you’ve experienced the financial struggle.  And you’re not alone.  So many guys are in the same situation. They have this anticipation for payday to come only to crash into a deep depression once the bills and other expenses are paid and they see there is quite literally nothing left.  Then it’s an epic struggle to cover yourself until the next payday only to go through the same cycle.

According to a recent report by CNBC, 67% of guys are worried about money.  60% of dudes live paycheck to paycheck.

Here’s an added bonus.  Financial stress affects way more than your wallet.  Every aspect of your life is impacted by your financial health including your mental and physical health, your spirituality and your relationships.  40% of divorces are caused by money issues.

But what the hell can you do about it?

It’s really easy to say stupid ass things like, “There’s more important things than money” or to pray things will get better.

It’s also really easy to blame others for your shitty situation.  Blaming the government, blaming your parents, blaming your boss.

Try it and see how far that gets you.

Having been in that situation for most of my life, I’ve tried pushing the blame and praying the situation away.  It never did anything to help the situation.  It was only a way to justify the money problems and feel better about being such a loser.  

It’d be more advantageous to play the lottery… oh I’ve tried that too.  Maybe you’ll have better luck than I ever did.

It wasn’t until I figured out where the holes were in my financial strategy that I was able to take corrective action and create a better life for myself.

Thankfully, I no longer have to worry about my bank account going into the negative.  I don’t get all anxious in anticipation of my paycheck hitting my account so I can hurry up and get bills paid just to check my account and go into a deep depression.  

Am I rich?

Fuck No.  I’m not rich.  I’m just a regular guy who figured out a way to get out of that damn cycle of living paycheck to paycheck and having constant stress over money.

Let me lay it outSo .

Know What You Want and Why.

So many guys I have worked with have no idea what they want.  When I pose the question they respond:

“I don’t want any debt.”

“I want to live comfortably.”

“I want to be financially free.”

What’s wrong with these statements?

They’re vague.  There’s no passion, no energy, no drive behind them.  They’re literally just words you tell yourself.  It’s like saying things like, “I want to lose some weight” or “I want to travel more.”

These are bullshit statements to give you false hope that maybe someday, somehow things might get better. 

Let’s break one down.

“I don’t want any debt.”

The mind only picks up key words when you think or speak and it makes no distinction of the negative.  So when you say a phrase like “I don’t,” the mind automatically shifts to the affirmative.  Meaning, when you say “I don’t want any debt.”  Your mind actually processes, “I want debt.”  

Example: Don’t think of a Bearded Woman…

How’d that work out for you?

Without hesitation, your mind probably jumped to a 3-ring circus under a large colorful tent and among the swinging trapeze artists and elephants is a robust woman standing in a moo-moo sporting a ZZTop style, dark beard.

There is also a phenomenon in Psychology, known as The Recency Effect, where the most recent information given is the most easily recalled.  In this case, the last word of the sentence: DEBT.

In addition to this, you have a deeply ingrained feeling (probably negative) surrounding the word debt which was planted long ago and reinforced over the decades.  This causes you to associate with the word and so it becomes the most important part of the sentence.

Now, what about statements like “I want to live comfortably or be financially free?”

Those are positive statements and seemingly obtainable.

True.

But what do they mean?  To live comfortably indicates that you’re fine with mediocracy so there’s not going to be any drive to change.  Phrases like “financially free” have become such an overused catchphrase, primarily in the multi-level marketing community that every time I hear it I roll my eyes and wait for the scammy pitch.

Let’s start by reworking the phrase “I don’t want any more debt” into something more constructive.  First, let’s reword it into the affirmative to read: “I want to be debt-free.”  Now there is no negative connotation surrounding the verbiage and the word that will stick in your mind is debt-free rather than just debt.

So, you want to be debt-free?

This is an awesome goal, but it’s time to dissect what it means to you.  You have to get crystal clear on what it would look like in your life to be completely debt-free.  Your credit cards are taken care of, you have the deed to your home and the titles to your cars.  You literally owe no one anything.

Can you see it?  

How does it feel?  

Do you feel strong? Empowered? 

Like a Fucking Man?

Now ask WHY you want to become debt-free?

At first this may sound like a stupid question.  You want to be debt-free to be debt-free, but try going deeper than that surface level response.

When I decided to concentrate on my debt, I made the decision that I was done feeling like a goddamn loser.  Every time I would apply for a loan or a line of credit I would either get flat out denied or my interest rate was so astronomically high it just didn’t make sense.  And it was because I had dug myself into such a big hole of bad and current debt.  I felt shame and guilt every time I looked at my credit score.  And most of all, I didn’t want to end up with my dad who is in his 70’s and still has a mortgage, car payments, credit cards and everything else that should have been taken care of long before now.

So, why do YOU want to be debt-free.  Establishing this will generate powerful emotions and empower you to make real change.

Know the Score.

You probably wouldn’t be surprised by how many guys I’ve talked to who have absolutely no idea what their household financially brings in or sends out.  

You’re not surprised because you’re more than likely in this situation.  No matter how much money you make, it never seems like it’s enough cause you have no idea what you’re spending your money on.

Not knowing where the holes are is way more stressful because it keeps you powerless.  When you understand the problem and why it is happening then you can do something about it.

FALSE: Guys who make a lot of money are immune.  I’ve worked with a number of guys who make into the six figures and are totally broke because they have no idea where their money goes.  Some cases this group is worse off because they came from poorer backgrounds, have no idea about money and think no matter what they buy or spend the money on, there will always be more coming in… until there’s not.

The only way to get to where you want to be is to know where you are.

It’s time for you and your partner to lay it all out there.  If you’re a single dude like me - cool, you’ve only got yourself to worry about yourself.  But if you’re in a committed relationship for the long-term, both of you are going to have to get on the same financial page.

This was a harsh lesson I learned from watching my parents.  My dad was the only one to bring in a paycheck and money was a constant struggle.  He was constantly putting in overtime and busting his ass never to get ahead.  Finally, it came to light my mom was secretly using credit cards and hiding the bills when they came in.  When my dad would deposit his paycheck, she would pay the minimum and not say a word about it.  My dad didn’t pay attention to what was going on, he just let my mom handle it thinking they were on the same page.

After decades, there was a huge blow out at the house and ALL the dirty financial laundry came out.  Turns out my mom had put us $30,000 in debt and my dad had NO idea.  How they didn’t get divorced, I’ll never know.

The point is if you are fucking sick and tired of being constantly stressed about money you’ve got to know the score.

You don’t need anything fancy.  I’ve crunched numbers on a napkin for guys.  But you do need to be thorough.  One thing I encourage guys to do is to keep track of everything you spent money on for one month.

Now, I know this sounds boring as hell but when you look at how much you actually spend on those drive-thru burgers and those daily gas station pit stops, you might just shit yourself.

A month period will give you a complete picture of what money comes into your house and every thing that goes out.  It makes you conscious of what the hell is going on.  When you have this information, you can empower yourself to make changes.  

Don’t freak out but it may mean cutting back… WAY BACK.

Take Responsibility & Make Changes, man.

I know dude.  Taking responsibility sucks balls sometimes.

It’s way easier to blame the government or your parents or the wallet draining partner.

It’s also way easier to close your eyes, do nothing and pray one day you’ll win the lottery.

Unfortunately, neither will get you out of the hole and ease the financial struggle you’ve been in for the past several decades.

Taking full responsibility empowers you to make the changes necessary to create the financial situation you want.

Growing up, I was a dreamer.  I knew there could be no possible way I wasn’t adopted.  I believed somewhere out there were a set of insanely rich parents looking for me because I had somehow gotten switched at birth.  I just always felt I was meant to be financially better off than how we were living.

We never went on vacation. We couldn’t afford to go school shopping anywhere more extravagant than J.C.Penny and usually it was Wal-Mart.  When we went out to eat it was pizza or fast food and none of us ever had a new car.

I spent my childhood listening to my dad complain about taxes and how the rich just kept getting richer and how you’ve got to climb over the backs of the poor if you want to make it to the top.

For nearly two decades after leaving home, I followed in his money footsteps.  I’d live paycheck to paycheck, struggling to make ends meet all the while cursing the fact that I just couldn’t get ahead and hoping to strike it rich with that lucky lottery ticket.

It wasn’t until I took responsibility for my own financial mess, educated myself on how to actually save, spend and invest then took what I learned and put it into practice did I see change.

It was slow going at first and I am still finding myself making mistakes periodically, but it is NOWHERE like what it was.

In the past few years, I’ve been able to pay cash for a car, pay all of my bills on time, not go negative in my account, pay off a lot of debt and even finance a trip for myself to Peru where I spent 4 days hiking Machu Picchu.

And isn’t that what it’s really about?

Eliminating financial stress isn’t about freeing up a little more money.  It’s about empowering yourself to enjoy life more.