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Pay Attention to the Red Flags

Make sure you pay attention to the red flags in your relationship.

It’s coming up on Valentine’s Day and while guys notably aren’t into that lovey dovey crap, we can’t deny it’s a really great feeling to have someone there to stand beside you in life.

But what happens when you allow the idea of being in love cloud your judgement from about who you are dating or even married to?

It’s easy to ignore the red flags that a relationship might be heading down a bad path when you’re in love with the idea of being in love or maybe afraid of being alone.

There’s no shame in it.

And the truth of the matter is, you won’t even realize you’re in such a sticky situation until you’re deep in it.

And you won’t be ready to make a change in the situation and your relationship until you get to your breaking point.

I had a co-worker about a year ago come into work every day in a piss poor mood.

But he wasn’t always like that.  When I first met him, he was a normally happy guy who joked around and didn’t take life too seriously.

He was in a relationship with a woman and at first it was great.  But the more comfortable they got with each other, the more her true colors started coming through.

And it was an ugly shade of red.

It started to become a pattern of her picking a fight with him and emotionally beating him up, calling him a failure and threatening to leave him and taking the kids.

He deserved more.

If you’re in a similar situation, you deserve better.

So, what are some signs to watch out for?

If their personality changes dramatically and suddenly… it’s a definite warning sign.

Your partner’s personality makes a sudden shift.

Pay attention to the red flags and this is a big one. Whether you have been with your significant other for decades or for only a few months, when there is a noticeable shift in personality that should be your first clue there’s a crack in the foundation.

Now, don’t jump to conclusions. A lot of guys will immediately start thinking they’re being cheated on. It may be the case, but not necessarily. Listen to your gut. I’ve caught cheaters right in the act by listening to my gut. And then I’ve been with people who have had personality shifts but I instinctually knew they weren’t cheating.

The more likely and maybe more painful reason is they are no longer in love or interested in you. Believe me, I understand no one wants to be told or believe that the person they thought was going to spend the rest of their life with can’t stand them.

The real problem with this is they don’t have the balls to say something and break it off. Of course, this is usually covered with the excuse that they don’t want to hurt your feelings, but in the long run all it does is prolong the pain.

As an empowered man, you have the opportunity to pay attention to the red flags and address the situation.

Your partner criticizes you extensively.

Isn’t the purpose of having a partner to have someone who is always in your corner?

Having a partner criticizes you relentlessly, whether it be in private or in the company of others is the exact opposite of what a good partner should be and actually is a huge red flag there is something seriously unbalanced with their ego. It’s always a lack of self-esteem on their end. And should be taken seriously.

You deserve better.

I’ve been in both types of relationships where one was critical of everything about me. It didn’t matter where we were or who we were around. Then I’ve been in relationships where my partner was so incredibly supportive and I felt valued.

The later is always better.

The loss of interest in sex is normal but to suddenly stop having sex all together is a red flag.

Your partner quits having sex with you.

This area follows suit with the shift in personality. But make sure to pay attention to the red flags.

It’s completely normal for the amount of sex you and your partner have to slow down after a period of time. I mean really, there is nothing like the passion of a new relationship. It’s as if you physically can’t keep your hands off each other. But after a while, things slow down.

That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s when the sex ceases all together and any mention or advancement of intercourse gets you shot down, then it’s an issue.

A healthy sex life is essential for a strong relationship.

Again, don’t jump to conclusions. It doesn’t mean there’s cheating going on.

It could be the sex has gotten routine and boring. Some excitement may need to be brought to the bedroom.

In any case, this critical shift is a significant red flag that something is wrong in your relationship and needs to be addressed.

They rarely or never take your feelings or needs into consideration.

Ever feel dismissed or completely shut down when you attempt to communicate how you are feeling?

Men are often condemned for having a difficult time expressing how they are feeling or what they are going through internally, then when they make an attempt are made to feel small. It’s a constant struggle.

But if your partner relentlessly puts their thoughts or feelings ahead of yours without even the smallest bit of consideration, pay attention to the red flags.

Watch out for the red flags of narcissism.

This could be the warning sign that you are dealing with a narcissist. These people have a whole-hearted belief that they are the center of the universe and everyone revolves around and is put on this earth to conform to them.

While the condition is generally found in men, women can possess these characteristics to varying degrees.

If you are involved with a partner who displays narcissistic tendencies, understand it can be treated but not cured.

Like I mentioned before, it’s going to be hard to see the signs before you’re ready… but, man, listen to your gut when it starts noticing these traits.

Then quickly make the choice… either address the situation if you want to continue in the relationship or cut your losses and bail if you don’t.

You’ll be better off for it.

Joshua Abel
Men’s Empowerment Network

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